i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
