Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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