I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
