how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
