a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
