a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.