It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
porn star boner night. come get it.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first