YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.