somebody snuck up and got me drunk
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.