One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
areolas are like halos for boobs.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
