i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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