my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
