last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
