I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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