so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize