Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
