I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
