Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
