somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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