I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
