I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
