Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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