fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
