whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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