did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
