I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
