it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
