3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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