I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize