there was a trapeze. enough said
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
