I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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