boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
