I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
