Cold hands, warm shart.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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