I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
And then he peed in my hair
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