Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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