we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
