I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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