This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
