that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
