i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
