I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
