the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
