Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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