I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize