This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
