I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
