How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
My pussy is not your playground.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
