batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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