Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
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