i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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