why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
