Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
