I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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