I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
