They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
