Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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