Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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