My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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