If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
