1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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