Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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