Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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