Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
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