she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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