YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
her vagine was all disorganized.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
